He has taught me that I am strong; that I can do so much more than I ever thought I could.
He has taught me how to endure. That the bad does eventually give way to moments of goodness, even if they're fleeting. Keep going because those moments are priceless. Those moments are worth the struggle.
He has taught me to love with my whole heart.
He has taught me that laughter heals. Even when things are bad it's okay to laugh. Actually, it's important. When everything seems to go wrong and the day seems endless and the exhaustion is all consuming a good laugh really does make me feel better.
He has taught me to forgive. A person is flawed but people are good. Everyone makes mistakes. They say the wrong thing. Do the wrong thing. But most often, they make up for it ten fold if you give them the chance. And even if they don't, it takes so much more energy to begrudge them than to just let it go.
Because of him I've learned to stop and take things in more. I notice the sweet smell of his skin. How soft his cheeks are. How infectious Ethan's full belly laugh is. How sweet Miranda's dimples are. How Kristyna smiles with her whole face.
I've learned what matters. Time matters. Now, instead of brushing the kids off I try to stop what I am doing and focus on them. We play more. We laugh more. We snuggle more.
I've learned that love and support comes from the most unexpected places. In a world with so many problems there is still so much goodness. We live in a wonderful community and the kindness of strangers is incredible. I've learned that it's okay to accept help when it's offered. It's okay to reach out and ask for help.
I've learned to find joy in the small victories. The daily accomplishments. The quiet moments. There is something so incredibly amazing about watching a child learn something new, discover how things work. It's a gift to watch them blossom into themselves.
I have learned to trust Tim. He might take a little more time than I do but he always gets there. He can do everything for Brady that I can do. So much of caring for Brady is way beyond his comfort zone but he has learned to do it any way and you know what? He has learned to do it well. I've realized that for so long I have underestimated him. Given the chance, he really has become a better parent. I think I was holding him back in a way but Brady has given us the opportunity to grow as a couple. We still struggle sometimes but I know I can trust him when it really matters. When push comes to shove, we are in it together.
I have learned to let go. Anyone who knows me knows I struggle here. I tend to want to do everything myself because I need to know its done right. But I can't do everything. I cannot be in two places at once. I cannot take care of everything all the time. I have to let others step in and trust that it will be okay. It might not be the way it would have been if I were doing it but just because it is different doesn't mean it is wrong.
I have learned to have faith. It's still an ongoing challenge but I am learning to trust God. There have been so many times since Brady was born that I have felt so lost. So desperate. When I was sure we could not get through it. Somehow we have gotten through all of it. There have been a few times when we have been down to our last dollar and then money comes in from somewhere or someone unexpected and we squeeze through. When I feel like I'm starting to break something simple renews my strength. A card from someone we have never met. A comforting word from someone unexpected. Something simple to smile about. And what I've realized is that those perfectly timed little blessings? That is God at work. He is trying to show me that He is with me, with Brady, with our family. We are not alone in this fight and I need to learn to trust Him to lead us through this. I now understand what people mean when they say "Give it to God". My faith still falters but I am finding it more and more.
Because of Brady I have learned how to really live and I am a better person because he is in my life.
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